Monday, February 20, 2012

Life. Love. Loss.

This is not a gardening post, but as I went to post about seed starting this morning it just felt forced.  My heart is heavy today, and this is why:

As a family that does not subscribe to a cable TV service we are always a bit behind the times.  Last night we were catching up on the Discovery series Storm Chasers and we came upon the episode that was dedicated to the passing of a chaser.  I was upset to learn of his passing and immediately jumped out of bed and ran to the internet to learn what had happened.  I am thinking car crash, freak accident, underlying medical condition.....and then my heart sunk further into sadness than it already was.  This man attempted to take his life, and ultimately it ended his life.  I was thoroughly shaken by this news.  I was up all night, my mind racing with questions and anger, and sadness for all of those in that dark place.  You see, a member of my family attempted suicide very recently, and thank God they were discovered before life was lost.  But this has changed all of us forever.  I will never stop fearing another attempt lies in tomorrow.   I will never stop being in awe that this person hated life so much that they decided to stop living it.  People with addictions, depression, and such things expend a lot of energy in deceit.  People are good at pretending.  What we see projected is often not what people are filled with on the inside, and that is what makes me sad.  Maybe if more people felt true unconditional love for themselves and from others they would have the courage to share their pain with those that surround them.  Let your loved ones know you love them no matter what, and hope they know it in their core, because in a moment of bleakness it may be the only thing that saves them when they have no love left for themselves.  

6 comments:

Sue said...

While it is very important to always let our loved ones know how much we care, unfortunately sometimes a bout with depression can override all this. It's so sad. I've never understood depression--no matter how much I read on it, it pains me to think that in a moment of anguish, something like that can happen. What a waste. Worse yet is what it does to the survivors-always wondering what they did wrong. Cruel.

Erin said...

So sad, I'm one that finds it hard to understand too, yet I know that depression can do terrible things to someone's mind, they no longer even remember what a "right mind" is. I will say a prayer for your family as they deal with this, it weighs so heavily for all the close friends and family members.

Kelly said...

I have suffered from depression and I still find it hard to understand! I think it is normal to feel anger when someone attempts suicide, but I also feel it is important to feel compassion as well. The act is driven in an effort to end suffering, (maybe it was a fleeting momentary reaction, or maybe it is the end to a lifetime of suffering). Either way it is awful and it had me thinking lots about life.

Sri Ranjani said...

Like Kelly said, it is an act of freedom when you don't want to suffer anymore. Constant love and compassion will ease the person's pain. Also therapy helps.

Ruth Trowbridge said...

thinking of you with much love, peace

Thomas said...

Kel, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your loved one is recovering and getting help.